2006-09-01 - 11:38 a.m.

It's useful having this. A place where I can jot down my thoughts without others seeing it. I know SFK uses his LJ on a private setting, but I think the semi-self-destructive part of me, wants the risk of it being found.

Much of my current thoughts regard the recent ex. Why do I always end up gravitating back. I know why, we work really well when the pressure of the relationship is off, but once we get back together it steadily degrades. So she's currently mentioning that she's got plans to shake things up, I'm sure it's nothing, but I can't help my curiosity. TBH a lot of me wishes it's her finding someone else and then the pressure's off me and I can properly move on. But I don't expect it will be.

I think settling myself is going to take longer than originally planned. It seems I have two barbs I need to remove. The recent one could be done with distance but it would be a shame to go to that extreme. The old festering one will soon have geographical distance as well as visual and vocal, hopefully it will help. It is coming out slowly, but it still affects me more than I'd wish and still not particularly forthcoming with opening up to people because of it.

Regarding future targets. Susie is quite hung up on Stu, and although mentally she'd be superb and is highly attractive, physically I'm not convinced. So maybe I should shift her to the bottom of the pile.
In theory if I go out, now I'm not DJing I can get to know a few other ladies around and about to judge suitability, but doubt I'd have the balls. Also would want to be careful not to upset the recent ex.

The Joys! Maybe I'll just wait until I leave and scout pastures new instead.

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????