2008-05-09 - 9:46 p.m.

I didn't get a further invite for the cinema, so I didn't go.

Maybe I should make the call just to be friends and start working that into my head. But how can I do that when currently I wonder to what extent even that appeals to her.

I know I'm just being insecure and self-destructive but hey, what's a boy to do when he's given the come on, finishes with his girlfriend only to be greeted by a very cold shoulder.

I want to do something for my Birthday but don't even know who I'd invite or what to do. Obviously I'd like her there. If I take that route then I could only really invite Quinn, Deb and David. Which is fine, but what if they turn around and think "why's he inviting us? surely he knows more people" And if i call on work people lets face it only really Sameer, Michiel, Stefan and Melissa come close to really being friends (as in people who actually seem to give a damn.)

It's really hard not having a best friend near. Or really at all. MSN doesn't cut much mustard.

Pretty much everyone has a partner and as such an automatic best friend at work (i.e a S.O.) it must make life so much easier, in this city of hundreds of thousands of strangers.

I think I try, i really do but I get so little back from them.

If stuff does go sour with Cecilie and we don't even make a friendship and I don't get any sort of raise to broach the rent gap, then I could easily see myself heading back to the UK.

(Well I'd not finished writing this.
Just popped onto JD and Cecilie has set up a movies group. I didn't get an invite :( Ouch. Now I know I've only been to one event but I have expressed interest before, and surely even as a 'friend' one might expect an invite regardless.

I'm guessing she bails on next week when I'm DJing and then I'll have to ask if we're cool. Because TBH I don't expect to have heard from her before then.)

Back to where I was writing towards. That yeah. I think that could well be the last straw that having struggled to find people I get on with that then it all crumbles away.

So I have the run tomorrow. I don't expect anyone to wish me good luck via text. Sameer said he might be around and watch but he can say a lot of things, which may be considered worse than saying nothing at all, but I think he means well.

Pretty crushed, so will have to focus energies into the run.

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????