2009-02-03 - 10:57 p.m.

So we met up for the football on Sunday.

I was pleased to find it was just us, there was the smallest part of me that feared it would be a normal event situation.

We spent the whole first match just chatting as per enjoying each other's company.

Eventually she decided to start talking about it, and quite soon i mentioned the hand in legs situation. She didn't remember that at all. Cue 15 min of her being in embarrassed silence.

So overall, she likes me. But her view of relationships is that she can see why they'd go wrong even before they start. This doesn't stop them so much as give her a safety net, knowing that she'll end it (as I view it).

Once she ends a relationship she then also cuts those people out of her life.

So where I'm concerned she says she'd not be able to control me. Things like my hair, my taste in music etc. But equally without those I wouldn't have much of my attraction.

And that would then see me in the cold. Which apparently she doesn't want to happen.

I walk a line between a want and a valuable friend. In theory this should be the best line to walk. But not with her. She wouldn't compromise with her life.

As such she'd rather not ruin the friendship. Fortunately for me that's not a bad thing and I can respect that. I'd like the chance to change her perceptions but it seems unlikely.

So she's under orders that she has to behave in my direction, because I can't cope with her hitting on me regularly.

It must be said I haven't entirely rid myself of hope, but I'll get there.

She put a post up today and it becomes clear how much the shadow of the ex still hangs, I hadn't realised how bad it had all broken down. And actually I now feel bad because I've clearly kicked up dust.

But at least my life is, for the moment, clearer.

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????