2012-06-18 - 9:24 p.m.

So where do I stand?

I followed up to Busgirl and she said she meant to get back to me and would be up for meeting. So lo and behold, we go out on the Friday for some food, unfortunately she cuts it short at around 9.30 because she's tired. She did ask if i was disappointed, I mentioned it was certainly sub-optimal.

I also invited her out for my Birthday on the Saturday, she of course had plans, but one workmate was having me over for food on Sunday and she said she might make that depending on when it was.

When details were released i mentioned it to both her and the host and heard nothing. I thought it a touch strange but she, at least, can sometimes fail to get back in touch. In the end she and another workmate came as a 'surprise' so that was quite cool.

Recently a friend asked if I was ever jealous, I said yes, indeed sometimes ridiculously so, but I will not show it in public, instead it eats at me.

And so at the meal I had such moments, where American Joe, who can talk to anyone immediately, can be amusing and rather charming, was definitely king of the room and she seemed, at least to me, quite interested. Now he is quite her senior, 15 years, quite possibly, so maybe it's nothing, but it leads me to question myself.

Never do I get a positive without a negative it seems.

I mentioned that i should get back into cooking and she said I should invite people around then, curiously i have been planning exactly that to her, but now I'm concerned she would expect multiple people.

I'd like to do it soon, but work may be pretty hectic in the next two weeks, so where are the priorities?

If I can get her over, then i would plan to eat on the balcony and at the end of the eve suggest a date. Then finally this story can finally have some substance. Why i must be quite such a wet useless blanket when it comes to women it escapes me, but i can't shake it.

I guess when you try and choose your targets carefully and get shot down over half the time it's damaging. Whereas I'm sure if I shot loose one evening I'd be successful with some girls.

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????