2012-12-11 - 10:29 p.m.

I'm struggling.

I want to still push, I can't drop her.

Part of me wonders if she doesn't want to try because she can't see exactly why it would end, or possibly she thinks I would leave. Meaning she would lack the control.

It's probably over-thinking.

C&J's wedding often made reference to not finding someone who you love entirely but someone who's bad points you can put up with. I don't know if I could with C, that's the thing you never really do, unless you try.

The thing is I feel on a knife edge, I'm not sure how much more I can push for me, before potentially I can't step back and would have to cut loose. Not that I'm sure I can now.

I want her to know these things, but I don't want to bother her.

Maybe a distraction is the way forward.
Kiiri and I have been quite flirty recently and I did get her phone number, with the plan to visit her at work one evening. She's since been sacked though...

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????