2015-07-19 - 5:20 p.m.

But some people never do.

A brief update. Aino ends up dating that guy, in retrospect I think she was already, even though she denied it when we met.

Started dating another. Really liked her although she lived in another country. She got tired of me - she couldn't get to know me, the fact she spoke constantly makes me wonder how I was meant to allow her to get to know me. The fact friends knew we had issues when I didn't, I don't really know what I was meant to do.

All in all though, i have become very disenchanted with my life. So eventually I made a decision to change I have applied to go on study leave and leave Finland for a year. I am waiting for confirmation, a week and a half so far. :s

Acceptance isn't an issue, but whether I can start in 2 months time is unclear, I may have to wait a year. :(

Whilst that isn't enough of a mess, I have to have fallen for someone a little too. Someone who has encouraged me to leave and I have encouraged to leave to a different place to follow her dreams. Yet we seem to have clicked.

She has suggested being in contact in various means, external to work and suggested if i'm around for another year it may be because I have something important to do here.

One message 'You are such a nice, deep and interesting person! It's very nice to become friends with you!' sent pretty soon after we parted from one coffee meet. Just the F word worries a little.

If I don't get accepted for this year then I definitely need to try something. Even if I do go, it may be worth a shot, even if we have only 3 weeks after vacations, before I would leave.

There's about a month before we will see again, she is on vacation, then I have a week away. I will find out during that period what is happening to me and she asked me to keep her updated. If I'm staying I need to sort my shit out. I need to be in control of my life, so that I can be a suitable person to date her. Currently life is a mess, I can't get motivated, I'm out of shape. This will be my motivation, less masturbation, less sitting around doing nothing, less gaming. More cooking, more things that make me happy. Keeping my flat tidy. Things that used to not be a struggle, this is my aim. It is written down, i have made this plan somewhere other than my head.

I would still like to go to the course first and foremost, but what a fallback opportunity.

Let's do this!

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????