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2016-03-22 - 10:01 p.m.

Well I didn't really manage to open up more in Greece, the one club night was hard to judge, i probably should have chatted to one lass who I was dancing with. Then on the dating scene I started a few conversations, but lost my phone, which meant I couldn't get in touch!

Ah well it was still a decent holiday.

Online dating here still sucks, a message here or there which then gets ignored. Standard shit behaviour.

Regarding LoI, according to a workmate she got put off by me trying to seduce her and giving her 'the eyes' when inviting her over for food. the thing is, I'm not sure I ever have invited her over... Certainly given that when on multiple dates with one girl she thought I wasn't interested, I'd be pretty amazed if I she had picked stuff up with my eyes. So things are a little strained on that end, but it would give an explanation why that has all turned one directional, until recently when I called her on that shit.

I mentioned one dancing lady before Christmas, thought I'd lost the chance to chat with her, but she eventually resurfaced, found out she has a BF though, so that's no good.

However, there is a new one. She invited me to an after lesson party on the spur of the moment. My brain panicked, said no, but maybe next week. *facepalm* Well the last two weeks we haven't gone, however, we have 'fortuitously' walked to the metro together. In fact this week I deliberately waited around for her. Chatting has gone well, turns out she even knows NIN and has seen them twice as her 'first BF got her into it'. So yeah I now have a new interest, also very confident she's single. Next time I see her I'll suggest meeting outside of dancing. That'll be in two weeks though due to Easter, before that she has a Salsa festival, so no doubt she'll get interested in a guy there. That'd be my luck.

Talking about luck I got some news which bummed me out quite a lot. So my ex not only has a new interest, she's also moving back to Helsinki. How fucking typical is that, I don't get the opportunity to run that kind of relationship with her. Same as the girl who didn't believe in monogamous relationships until she met the next guy and 3-4 years shoots by in a monogamous relationship.

I'm still quite hurt by how much my ex expected me to mind read and gave me no opportunity to really improve or repair things. Why women always seem to love to focus on the things I lack, whilst for others they appear to be things that can be ignored or intend to be changed.

I've been reading about feedback, and I certainly have to react less badly to that in an emotional setting, some topics it mentioned really struck a chord with how things were with Tuuli, where I'd respond by pointing out that she's not listened to my advice on how best to give me feedback. That was not the time to do it, i should have tried to absorb what she was saying and deconstruct it to something more useful. Ah well. Mental notes for the future.

I'm still struggling majorly with motivation to do anything beyond the minimum of waking up and surviving. Sometimes I think I should see someone, but at the same time, I'm sure others have worse mental situations than me.

I'd just like someone to care about me and treat me like a human being instead of ignoring me, or assuming I know everything without being told.

Well i'm sure my next entry will be how I bomb out with this Flower from dancing. Maybe I can learn something from the experience and start building a thicker skin again.

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????

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