2012-11-08 - 5:17 p.m.

Oh fuck i'm in a pit.

I'm desperate for a response. Yet I know the letter may not have even reached France and even if it had, she's still on holiday.

Maybe it is more than that, maybe it is actually the fact that she doesn't deem it worth seeing how I am. She's closed the door again in the hope everything will work out fine when she reopens it.

I might have to make a call sooner rather than later. If she doesn't follow up the letter then I will walk away. How long do you give for a response? I pretty much expect her to use work as an excuse not to try and sort things out. Afterall she's been away for a few weeks so the company is bound to be on it's knees. Yet my boss is on paternity leave and I have a new work colleague that I have to train and a mass of project work to catch up on after 2 months of no activity. I can still make time because it is important to me.

Then the question is IF she does try and sort out things for a friendship, can I do it? Do I want to do it?

What was this 7 and a half sided letter about? One last shot? Or one explanation of why, simply, this needs to stop, because I care more for her than she does for me?

She can carry on blissfully she'll miss me occasionally, but for the most part she probably won't even notice.

Tomi thinks I'm crazy. Why am I still interested, someone who is so self centered and seems not to really give a shit about the consequences of her actions.

Deep down i guess I do hope she can change slightly. Given the right impetus. Even then why am I still so wrapped up in her? What does she have that keeps me there? Her strength appeals, but she undermines it with her weakness at dealing with stuff.

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????