2008-05-03 - 2:27 p.m.

So the world�s gone a bit hectic, having gone out on Friday with Cecilie and thoroughly enjoyed her company we texted a moderate amount on every day since. I got the impression that she was definitely quite keen and my relationship with Waish was discussed. I find it very easy to be open with her (although I must remain aware that mostly we�ve spent time under the influence.)

So on Tuesday I went along to the cinema outing the she normally organises and whilst very much looking forward to seeing her, didn�t get so much time to interact with her and did noticeably feel a little off the next day. Having Thurs. off I�d arranged to spend the Wed eve and the day with Stefan and Paivi. Stefan got ill and as such cancelled. Had originally planned not to contact C that day, but decided maybe she was going to the big event in the city and we could catch up. Also asked D&D the same. None were but D&D were having a BBQ on Thurs and invited me (which I figured C would be at). C then also asked if I was going and invited me to a house party as her �date�. How could one refuse?

The party went fairly well given I only knew one person and although some of her friends were a bit testing, she also agreed on that fact! Onto Memphis for a few drinks (I meant to leave fairly early, but kept being convinced to remain). C & I talked almost exclusively throughout the evening and the flirting steadily rose. I then made a big F-up, offended her re. her age, didn�t think her serious, consequently pushing it further. Once I finally realised that she was being serious I apologised profusely. Which led her to comment that I should do it naked, on my knees and smeared with blood. �Make a JD event and we�ll see� was my response. Situation saved as such. But a point to remember. Discussion then progressed further and the topic came onto the future of my relationship with Waish, and eventually the comment that I should finish it with her before Thurs. lunchtime. ie. Before the next time we�d see each other. I said I�d hoped this wouldn�t come up yet as I�d not had time to think it through. She backed off said she was joking, then raised the game a little bit later before resorting back to the joking line. So in the end I decided to drop all the games and just asked if we could be honest and discuss what was going on.

So yeah she�s very interested but will not hang around for ever. I�ve flatly stated I don�t cheat on people so need to make a decision re. Waish first. I also made a number of comments in a vague effort to make her realise that where she has had much of the best of me that I�m really not that great in the long run and can be quite dull. I also stated that I don�t just sleep with people. And covered her ex. She openly admits she�ll not be great when he moves on and that she�s also the jealous type, but that she�s not one for fighting.

Decision time it would seem: Stick or Twist?

I try and list positives and negatives for each mentally. But It�s tough.

Waish +ves � Known, Fit, Already have things half organised, easy space, safe � always there, foreign films, foreign music,

Waish �ves � Distance, Lack of conversation, No known BG under �normal� conditions, potential loss of Cecilie as a friend (and others by extension)

Cecilie +ves � Unknown, very attractive, football, beer, music, very easy to talk to currently, tangable, if it doesn�t work I�m single could try a new me, Potential to actually settle here better, easier to focus on work(?).

Cecilie �ves � May not work out � I�m single and lonely, potential reliance not knowing many others, less freedom, her BG is such that I may bore her (quickly), the Ex-factor. Almost definite loss of Waish at least for a time, look like a bastard.

Of all those reasons I see two big things. Distance and not much talking with Waish. The rest is largely ifs and buts.

This is the 2nd time I�ve been sorely tempted since I�ve been here and there�s no reason to think another won�t come along if I stick. SO I think my decision is made.

Now I just have to do the deed. :( not fun.

Then I also intend to stay single for a little while, maybe a month. Get to know Cecilie a bit better and just get myself back into a state I�m happy with. Actually looking after my apartment, cooking, less wanking (!) etc. But I may not succeed and could crumble after a week!

SO I suppose I better talk with Waish tonight, in an ideal world some prewarning would have been given, but I didn�t expect to be pursued quite so strongly and quickly / at all!

EDIT:

So it's done. I felt pretty shitty as I gave no option for her to try and salvage anything from it. We'll see how it progresses anyhow.

I texted C to let her know that i was now single. No response currently and I'll wait for her to contact me. But I think she's got cold feet about it all. seemingly not long after my text she wrote a blog entry

"Have done a lot of thinking today, while puzzling together numbers in various formats. Sometimes I am not quite sure I'm going with myself, I have to admit. Most of the time I have a good sense of direction, but then it's like someone turns the GPS off and I can barely tell what planet I'm on. Am in one of these grey zones now, and it kind of makes me want to lock myself in and do some heavy drinking. Not a good sign,"

So yeah. i'll be pretty gutted if she backs off but hopefully friendship will be maintained and my decision re. W is probably for the best regardless.

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????