2008-05-06 - 5:19 p.m.

It's really bad that this journal is now almost entirely going to be focussed on one thing/person.

At least for the next month or so i suppose. Then maybe it'll die off again, or it'll revolve around them a little more before getting distracted to a larger degree.

I'm really hung up on C, I have definitely made the right choice, it would be totally unfair on W to have continued that relationship with my mind continually sidetracked to what ifs.

Although I've had some come back from C, it's been rather reserved and I don't know whether that is because i said I'd want some space or because she's had a think herself.

My underconfident side says she's going to turn around and say she's happy being single for the time being and would only look for a fling, partly due to the ex issue and partly messing her work and social life up. I'm maybe 90 % certain of this.

However I do intend to try and at least on a small scale convince her otherwise. If it is her decision she will, most likely, not follow up on the apology idea. As such I intend to have the kneeling, naked, smeared in blood apologetic pose captured by that point. Oh yeah on my bed, with it's blue bedding which she apparently has a thing for. And I'm pretty certain I can get away with it too. :p

I also intend to verbally fully accept the decision. Notably stating that however much I'd like to sleep with her I wouldn't be able to have a fling with her because I know i'd like her too much (unless she was crap in bed) and I'd end up getting hurt in the long run and potentially losing her as a friend due to issues at my end. (a complement with regret, a challenge and a final compliment with a deeper indication). Genius.

The worst thing being, pretty much bang on the nail :s

I'm aware I can fall to a certain level fast, I think drunken convos have indicated this much to her too. I think this will be a reason for her to back away. But I think the opportunity to be cared for may still appeal quite strongly.

And at the end of the day i'd rather her be a friend than nothing.

I really will have to keep the overthinking, accusing side of my mind off limits though, I know it's there. It occured with Abi, it occured with Susie. But when I don't have a bank of friends to support me regardlessly then I need to not alienate myself.

Of course if it didn't come off I could play the field.

The fact that I probably couldn't is beside the point, but an interesting side note if I succeeded, when it wouldn't be possible with C. Maybe if i thought of it as a wasted opportunity, due to the high numbers of rather attractive ladies around these parts then who knows.

Anyway it's all conjecture really, we'll see how life pans out over the next month or so.

Although we've had some interaction I think it has come back to being led by me again. So i'm due not to contact her for a while. We'll see each other on Fri in theory (unless she re-invites me to Iron Man, then i'll choose.) Fri is apparently "Be sexually inappropriate with your friends day" I'm not sure if that'd be a good thing to mention! :s

Hit 88mph Marty - The Future????